Finding Harmony: Navigating Entrepreneurship and Motherhood

If we don't really know our values if we don't really know what's important to us if we don't really know what lights us up, if we don't really know ourselves and what makes us feel anxious makes us feel stressed out what we'd like to do what we don't like to do, then we aren't going to know what to ask for help for because we're going to think we have to do at all.

This is the Entrepreneur School Podcast where we believe you can run a thriving business and still make your family a priority. This show is all about supporting you the emerging or early stage Entrepreneur on your journey from solopreneur to CEO while wearing all of the other hats in your life. My name is Kelly Sinclair and I'm a brand and marketing strategist who started a business with two kids under 3am, a corporate PR girl turned entrepreneur after I learned the hard way that life is too short to waste doing things that burn you out. On this show, you'll hear inspiring stories from other business owners on their journey, and learn strategies to help you grow a profitable business while making it all fit into the life that you want. Welcome to Entrepreneur School.

Welcome to this awesome episode of Entrepreneurs School, where I am chatting with my guest and Melissa Clampitt she is a guide for high achieving, yet overwhelmed mamas, women that want to do it all men are left stressed out unsure about how much more they can take. She supports them to drop the supermom facade so they can actually start to enjoy their life live in alignment and experience more ease and joy. She's also a podcast host of the reawakened mom podcast, she's a dynamic speaker, a wife and boy mama to three. And holy did we have a great conversation about what it actually means to live in harmony and how we can identify what we need for ourselves so that we can let go of what we feel like everybody else is telling us that we're supposed to be how we're supposed to behave, and what it actually means like to be a good mother or to be a good, whatever roles that you play in your life. So really excited for you to dive into this one. It is also a really great follow up episode. Although totally unintentional, to the episode that we did, that I did solo about my review of the book fair play by Yves Brodsky. So we actually talked about that a little bit, she haven't read it. So it was really interesting. So I will link that below in the show notes as well, if you want to jump back and listen to that. And you will also find me on Melissa's podcast. And I will link that below as well. When that episode becomes live. Melissa and I met when I was doing a guest training inside of a mutual friend's grew. And I was teaching about media and PR and my little youngest daughter came home and started spinning her chair around and literally broke my desk. So I'm like training and teaching about getting media and all of a sudden my death becomes broken. So it was quite hilarious. And Melissa and I connected after that. So I'm excited to introduce her to you today. And I hope that you enjoy this episode.

Hello, welcome Melissa to Entrepreneur School. I'm so excited to talk to you, especially after I know that you just had a dance party to prep for this conversation. So I'm already feeling that really great energy meal.

Awesome. Yeah, I love to do that just to like get my energy. Right, right. Because we all go through so many things. Like who knows what either one of us were doing before we recorded this podcast episode. So I just like to like kind of zone in on like my focus and my energy and be like, I'm ready for this. It's going to be the best, most amazing conversation ever.

Yes, as I was telling you, I was interrupted by my brother with my children who are not supposed to be home, they just came home to collect some items to go out and hang out with their uncle for the day. So I was like, I'm gonna need a minute because now dogs are running around people or places they're not supposed to be. And that's fine. Because we are trying to fit all of these things, these podcasts, these different things that we're doing for our businesses into the life that we have. And that's kind of the conversation that you and I are going to have today about harmony and being a mom and having like a different way of looking at it that allows you to feel good about what you're doing because there's sort of this, you know, invisible, but not invisible thing out there where you feel this pressure to do it. All right, and we're ambitious, and that's what it takes to be an entrepreneur and we also want to be great mothers. We want to do all these other things. And then you're supposed to like fit in self care and do all of this. And, you know, right now we're at the beginning of a new year. But no matter what time of year that it is, all of these things kind of come into play. And we start to think about how we're actually going to manage it. So I'd love to just dive into that conversation with you. And, you know, give a little bit of your background as to how you came to like, be an authority on this topic.

Yeah, yeah. So I mean, I love that you first of all acknowledge like that you wanted something different than what you even thought and what you had been shown in your own life because it's true. I think that sort of this generation and I'm a little bit younger than you but we we feel Follow like what we've seen. And we're like, we're we get to be the trailblazers and create sort of new versions of what's possible, which is an amazing opportunity. It's also very like stressful, right? Because now you're like, oh, what does this look like? And how do I, you know, demonstrate and role model this for my kids, and show them that they can make these kinds of choices. So you were talking about being overwhelmed there? Did you have a breaking point where you realize that this was just not, this is not sustainable?

Yeah, I was working. So I always work from home. So even though like I was staying at home with my kids, I never had a moment where I did not have a job. So I had my network marketing jobs. So I had a team of women. And then I was going out and doing home parties, I sold jewelry. So there was a lot of time when I was out of the house, which you could say that was time for myself. But I was still working right. I was still on the clock I still had to perform once I got to this party and, and I loved that camaraderie. But I really started to get lonely. I really started to feel lost in myself, I didn't have anything outside of that. That was just for me. You know, I took my kids to like swim, I took my kids to singing classes, like we did all of these things together. And I didn't have anything that I could say this was really just mine. You know, because working I also needed to help provide for the family and have that extra income coming in. Because I left my teaching career which, you know, doing that and above, and it itself was so challenging, because so many people were naysayers, you know, even my own family where it was like you're leaving your career, like you're leaving the study income, you're leaving your pension, you're leaving insurance, all of these things to stay at home. And it wasn't to be like to bashing at home, but it was like, Are you crazy. And so you know, I'm not new to these pivotal moments, I like to call them of doing things that are kind of different. And I haven't seen it before, because I've done it in the before even leaving teaching. But for me like that point, when I really couldn't take it anymore was my husband actually was getting ready to do an Ironman, like we had talked about this, right? Like, if you don't know what an Ironman is, you basically you run a marathon, you swim two miles, and then you bike for like 100, and like 14 or 140 miles. So it's pretty intense. So he was working full time he had talked about, I'm like, You should totally do this. And then I started to get resentful. I started to get resentful of him because he was getting to leave the house, he was getting to leave the house on his own, to work out to go swim to go ride the bike, even though he was working and saying, I was so jealous. And I was starting to get angry and resentful. Because I hear I'm stuck at home, like I'm stuck at home again, I got to do all these things. And I'm looking around and I'm seeing the house, the mess and the dishes that are dirty, and the laundry that's piling up and my kids are playing or they want to play with me. And I'm like, but my list like I have so many things that I have to do. Like, I don't get to do anything for myself. And that I would say was really I think the start of my turning point to realizing like there has to be a better way.

Yeah, have you read the book, fair play? No, we'll leave it we're gonna have a follow up conversation to this. But I'm going to drop it here because I did actually do a whole episode about it. Because I've read it, it was literally like the same kind of concept of justice, that invisible labor that we take on, right. And now we put everything onto our plates. And even when we have a partner who is, you know, engaged and supportive and helpful, in some ways, we're still doing most of the mental load of that those jobs like, we might be like, here's the list, but we thought about the list, and we created the list and they just implement. But there's three parts to any task. And that is the conception, the planning and the execution. And often we're not taking all three of those in order for it to actually be off your plate, you got to get rid of all three of those things, and have gone on to someone else. And one of the things that they talked about in the book is this concept of unicorn time, which is the time that you spend for yourself just to like light yourself up, fill your own bucket. That's not necessarily about exercise, because that's personal care. But if something like an Ironman is a goal that you have and that you want to work towards, then that is like your unicorn time, but you can totally I can totally see that how you get, you know, resentful and jealous because you're like, Oh, I'm being a good supportive wife. Like allowing, like suggesting my husband do this and saying that I support this and then I'm feeling the pressure of what I'm picking up because I'm also giving him that to mA man. Yeah, yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. And you know, this also just makes me think to like, it's interesting to even just have a conversation about what overwhelm actually is. Because I think for me, I didn't even realize like, like overwhelm one probably sounds like a weakness, and so I don't want to, like identify with that, right? Because I'm stubborn and independent. And I can do it all kind of mentality. But it's so easy to become overwhelmed dealing with all of these daily tasks like, it is not, not it like it does take up your mental capacity, it does take energy to think about what's for dinner to figure out like how you're going to fit in exercise to plan all your kids, social activities, and all of the things that they need and making sure that they have new baseball cleats. And like that you have a hotel booked for the you know, tournament that weekend and all that stuff, like take stuff off of you and it is not worth less than you going out and actually doing work. And they think that that sometimes either a we feel like other people are going to judge us that that shouldn't take like that it shouldn't be overwhelming. Or be let we just haven't associated the fact that all of these things are worth the same to our family, like we equally have, like all time is worth the same. That's one of the concepts from that book as well. Like it's not just time spent earning money is worth more than time spent cleaning the house or planning the activities or the summer camps or the whatever. It's all worth the same. But it's needed.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I mean, that's really where it started for me and like exactly what you said it was that like, I don't have to do it all mentality. And you know, I do this presentation on this. And that's like just a tip. Like, I have like five tips to like drop the supermom facade, or you could call it add more harmony. But for me, it was like that supermom because I was like, oh, yeah, like at the time, I thought it was a supermom, like look at all these things that I could do. But then Secretly, I was like, crushing it, you know, I was like crying like in my bathroom. And, you know, and so then I was like, you know, what I actually don't have to do at all. And I think that is like such a great message to share. Because we as women and entrepreneurs, and you know, all the different paths that we're trying to wear in this success, like what success actually means to us, which I think is great that you said like that time, like all time can be equal one, and is equally important. No matter if you're out making money, or you're caring for your family. It's all equally important. And I think it's that mentality of what we think success is and is success only about making money or is success only about your achievements, or what is success actually to you? And is it success like leaving your kids and going to work? Like what is it actually for you because it's going to be a different definition for each of us. But you know, that not having to do at all. And then one of the first things that I had to learn was that I had to ask for help. And that was like one of the hardest things because just like you were sharing, like for me asking for help. It felt like, you know, I was weak, like I didn't have it together. Like I wasn't strong enough. Like I wasn't good enough, like all of the different things and asking for help. It meant like, I didn't know what I didn't know, have everything planned out. Like it meant I was a failure. I'm a perfectionist, right? So recovering perfectionist. So like, how would that look? If I'm asking for help? Does it mean I'm weak? Does it mean? I don't know. You know, I whatever I just all of these different things that go through your head. And for me, that was like the first step. For me, it was really learning how to ask for help in all different kinds of areas, whether that was with work, whether that was talking to my husband being like, listen, like, I really need to, can we talk about time when I can go and to start caring for myself, I actually did roller derby. You know, after I started to realize I don't have anything for myself, I actually do roller derby for three years. So we had to work together on, you know, having the kids sometimes I had to take them with me, you know, if he was working at the restaurant. So, you know, really asking for help. And being able to receive the help that you get and not micromanage. The help that you get was really the first thing for me that was it just helped me feel lighter. Like it helped me be able to just take that breath and be like, Oh, my God, like, I don't have to do it all like no one's expecting me to, I'm expecting me to do it all. And it's releasing that expectation that like, hey, other people can help. And that's okay, too.

Hmm I think you sort of answered this in what you just said, but like, how do you actually come to terms with that, and give yourself that grace to allow for the help and to allow for you to make the changes that you need to actually ultimately live in that harmony that yeah, and

Yeah, I mean, I think you know, one of the big things is caring for yourself, you kind of talked about like self care, but you know, I really like to look at caring for self as is not a lot of those external things, but it's really the internal because if we don't really know our values, if we don't really know what's important to us, if we don't really know what lights us up, if we don't really know ourselves and what makes us feel anxious makes us feel stressed out what we'd like to do what we don't like to do, then we aren't going to know what to ask for help for because we're going to think we have to do it all if we don't really know our strengths. We don't know you know are the things that we love, then it's really hard to ask Ask for help. So for me, it was really learning like, what do I actually hate doing? What like really annoys the heck out of me? I don't want to clean my house. I don't want to cut the grass like, what kinds of things? Is it possible to be able to use someone else who loves to do this, like a cleaning person, they must love to clean, right? Like they that's the career they must love it. So being able to ask someone for help, was also looking at the things I don't want to do. So what kind of things? Could I outsource that then I can spend my time doing the things that I actually love, versus being resentful and mad and angry and doing things that I don't like to do. And then that's going to take out on to my kids, it's going to, you know, lead into my career, my family, my relationships, all of the different things if I am doing these things that I really don't want to do. And that can be like, you don't have to pay somebody else to come clean. Like you could talk to another mom and say, Hey, can you watch my kids while I clean? Or can you? Can we do a swap? Like you could do swaps with people so that it's not necessarily like something that you have to pay for. But I think really learning like, how can you care for yourself? How can you get in touch with the things that you like to do the things that you don't like to do? How can you really be in tune with what you need in that moment? Maybe you just even need to go take a timeout. Like I like to say I'd give myself a mommy timeout, if I'm getting like all anxious and overwhelmed. But it's also recognizing if you're feeling that overwhelmed, take note of it. Right? Like take notice, like when do I feel most overwhelmed is it you know, at the end of the night after I've like been working all day, and then I'm going to have to cook and then I have to clean up the kitchen. Like notice that because that's the biggest thing for us is to notice when we are feeling that overwhelmed when we're feeling stressed when like we kind of noticed our shoulders start to rise. And those are the moments when you need to ask for help. Those are the moments when you need to talk to your spouse and say, Listen, I am super stressed out right now I had a really long day or I really don't enjoy giving the kids a bath because like something always happens and I get upset and I turn into I like to call her she hooks. She's like my alter ego when I start yelling, you know, so it's recognizing those moments in your day. And it doesn't just have to be in your house. It can be with your job and your career. I feel like I hate doing data. I hate doing spreadsheets, I hate doing the finances than those are times when you can reach out and ask for help. So that's what I would suggest.

Yeah, I love that actually, one noticing what actually bothers you? Because so often we just think that we have to do all of these things. And it's challenging because we are breaking a paradigm by saying that, no, maybe we don't actually have to do that. Like, I know that my dad judges me because I make my husband do the dishes, like my husband and I have a very clear agreement that I cook and he cleans and I don't touch those dishes like I'm not unless I made 150 Extra dishes, I might wash some of the big bowls. But I'm not doing like I'm cooking, and I am sitting on the couch. And I'll chat with him while he does the dishes. And my dad's like, how can you like make your husband do that? And I'm like, Well, me, that's our agreement. And that's all that matters, right. And so we also went through and made lists of like things that we hate doing and, and like what we don't mind doing that has to get done. And then things that we love doing. And then like looking at how we could operate differently from that place. Because like you said, when you know that you're doing a lot of things that are really pulling you down, that's when it like affects everything else that you're doing, you're not being the best version of yourself, for your kids, for your business, for your friends for any relationships that you have. And you need to like adjust that adjust the actions that you're taking, right and this literally might come down to this why this is such a great follow up conversation to the to the episode I did on fairplay because I was like so jacked about this idea of like, what if we could just change some things in our own domestic lives? And how will that affect how we actually can show up and just be right, like, I had the most relaxing, fun Christmas holiday this year. And I don't think I was stressed out or angry a single time in a week. And I'm like, I need more of this. Like how do I stay like this? Because this is this is not normal for me if I normally have a much, you know, higher like a flip point on the frequent flip point as to like something that will get me upset or whatever, if something doesn't go as planned because I'm a big planner. So I don't know, like what what all has culminated to create that but it's kind of just this noticing, like you said, of how what does it actually take, like, how do I want to feel and then once you notice that as possible, it's how do I maintain this? Right by doing or not doing certain things or caring or not caring about certain things, even? Some of these things we just don't even need on our list at all.

Yeah, Well, and what I would say to that, too, is like to really, we can't even as much as we want to try, because I am a control freak. out, I try not to be. But I also know I cannot control the actions of anyone else, I can only control myself, hopefully most of the time. But I can only control the My Choices and how I choose to act. You know, some obviously, I still fly off the handle and have moments, which I'm not proud of. But it's recognizing that and recognizing that I need to regulate myself first. If I want to try and to have that outward change in my family, that ripple effect, I actually was doing a float this morning, and I wasn't moving, but I could feel the water moving just to like my pulse and like my breath and my heartbeat. And I was like, gosh, that mom Paul's right that mom ripple effect of just the small things when we are going inward. And when we are making change in ourselves, it makes such a huge change that ripple effect that it occurs like to our kids, to our husband, to the people around us in our relationships. So I really feel like that that overwhelm really has to start with us and that internal dialogue, and what that's going to look like, you know, in our household, maybe that's where we start. And maybe we start with a relationship with our spouse or our kids, or you start with a relationship with your family and really work on those things to really help have those hard conversations, because they're never easy conversations. But that's just, you know, kind of where it starts. Yeah. Oh, and boundaries. I mean, boundaries are huge. So like, I mean, if we have an hour to talk, that's great. I know, don't like boundaries are huge. And that's always something that, you know, a lot of people don't do well. But for me, that's when I really when I started to say yes to everything. And notice, oh my god, I'm still overwhelmed. But like, I have all these things on my plate, because I'm a doer. And I like to do and I like to you do all these things. But that leads to overwhelm. Because I'm like, then I have no time. And then and then I get resentful that things I said yes to. So I think it's also like knowing like what your boundaries are starting with your values, know yourself, but then look at your boundaries and figure out how you want to set your boundaries who you want to set them with, and give yourself permission to shift and change those boundaries, too. They don't always have to stay the same.

Yes, that's that's totally like the main theme, I think from this conversation is giving yourself permission to be and do and to not do whatever is going to fit for the life that you want to create for yourself, which is when an easy task be like oh, just go journal app for five minutes, and you'll have it all sorted out. We'll probably start by doing that a little bit. If you have no idea right now just start observing, right? Like what would be your advice to someone who is feeling overwhelmed, and they're trying to like figure out how to unpack this and make some changes?

Yeah, I mean, I think just what you said Like honestly, like when I'm like a big feelers like I've like, if you watch this on YouTube, you're watching like, you can't see this in the podcast, but like, I'm a hands talker, I'm not even Italian. I don't know, I just talked to my hands. But like, I'm constantly just like kind of touching my body and like touching my heart and touching my stomach. And I think so often just from society and the busy and the do and you know how much we self sabotage and how much we have that negative self talk of our bodies and oh, I'm too big, or I'm too fat, I'm too skinny, or whatever it is, like I'm just constantly like touching my heart and touching my stomach to feel like what does this actually feel like? And just you don't even have to get quiet for a really long time. But because I know that's uncomfortable for so many of us to stop and be still because we want to constantly be hustling and going What if you could stop and just take a breath even if it were like in you know today I was stuck in traffic, horrible traffic and you just have a second you can just touch your body you know, like touch your being and take a breath and you can just say what do I need right now? Like what do I need right now and that could be I need to call a friend I need you know to have a good cry I need to journal I need to write something down I need to get quiet I need to go out in nature like nature is so nurturing you know if you can get back out in nature and just like feel the sun on your face or the wind or you know, I hate the cold but I've been walking recently in the cold because just feels good to be outside. So I'm just listening to what do I need right now. And that's really how you start when you can start being aware of your body a start start being aware of what you need, not what other people are telling you you need. That's when you start to trust yourself. That's when you can start really having these hard conversations as asking for help. You know realizing what you need to say yes and no to and that's the beginning so you can journal it out if you're a journal or if you like to talk in your voice note like on your phone if you'd like to talk because I'm a talker, not a writer like you You could talk it out. And sometimes when you just say it, you can release it. And that's just like such a beautiful thing. So there's so many little tricks that you can do. But I think first, it's really just starting to like, get familiar with yourself again, because so often, like, we don't even know who we are. And we're just hustling and moving and going, that we don't even know the things that we like to do that we don't like to do, like, what's our viewpoint versus our parents or the societies? So I think that's where I would say, just start with something small like that. And like, what do I need right now. And when you can start in that present moment, then you can kind of start to make it a little bit more broad.

Yeah, that's so powerful. And I guess, underrated, like the importance of knowing what you need and getting in touch with what you need. Again, because that, that helps, like you said, separate that from what you have become conditioned to believe and the habits that you've taken on, as you, you know, gotten to wherever it is that you are now. So Melissa, before we wrap up, can you tell everyone how you help people go through this process, how you can support them, and how they can find you if they're interested in learning more of it?

Yeah, I think the best thing is to go to my website, you know, I can rattle off like all of my social medias, and all these different things. But like, my website is really the easiest place to find me because my social media is on there. I have a new cohort for moms, I specifically love working with moms, just obviously, I am a mom. And I know like where I struggled. And I used to be a school teacher. So I just love teaching. I love inspiring I love having fun. I'm like full of ideas. So I love working together with like moms and cohorts. So I have one that's called New Year Find you. Because again, so many of us are lost and don't know where we are. So if you want, I can also include I have a free masterclass on that whole topic, New Year Find you. And it can be used, whether you listen to this podcast in January, or if you listen in March, or if you listen in December or November, you can really take any time and call that like your new year because we're always shifting and changing no matter where we are. But I can include that if you want. And then people can download that. And they can watch the replay of that. And I have an amazing workbook that goes with it to really kind of walk you through how to come back to yourself. And I love doing all kinds I love podcasting. I love. I wrote a compilation book called bet on yourself. I have my own podcast. And I don't know I just love supporting moms however I can I'll probably do another virtual summit this year. So I'm always thinking of new things to do, how I can support women. So

Fantastic. Well, I'll make sure that all of those links are below in our show notes so that you can connect with Melissa. And I know that I'm going to stay connected with Melissa. We have now recorded for each other's podcasts remind everyone tell everyone what your podcast is called. Because as podcast listeners really love to go find other shows.

Ooh, yeah, it's called The Reawakened Mom. So it's all about that being reawakened. And knowing like, this isn't the way it's supposed to be like, I don't I want to do something different and, you know, just kind of rediscovering yourself.

Amazing. Thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you.

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